{"id":7959,"date":"2018-10-23T21:07:56","date_gmt":"2018-10-24T02:07:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/cannon-ball-nd-58528\/anger-management-counseling-what-causes-you-pain\/"},"modified":"2018-10-23T21:07:56","modified_gmt":"2018-10-24T02:07:56","slug":"anger-management-counseling-what-causes-you-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/cannon-ball-nd-58528\/anger-management-counseling-what-causes-you-pain\/","title":{"rendered":"Anger Management Counseling: What Causes You Pain?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Therapist: \u201cIt must have made you very angry when your father yelled and criticized you in front of your boyfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Client: \u201cI\u2019m not angry anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cThat\u2019s true. You don\u2019t feel angry. Your anger has been down there so long you\u2019ve lost touch with it. But it\u2019s an obstacle to your health and happiness, and you aren\u2019t even aware of it. We need to make you aware of it so you can get rid of it once and for all. It\u2019s a pain you cannot feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cThat doesn\u2019t make sense! How can I have a feeling I can\u2019t feel?\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cNow you\u2019ve got it. Feelings don\u2019t always make sense.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cI make sense. I\u2019m a logical and rational woman.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cYes you are, until your feelings from the past kick in and take over. They override your adult judgment.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cYeah, come to think of it. I remember one time when I was a kid, I went to a movie with my family. I didn\u2019t know what it was about it. I started to cry. I couldn\u2019t stop. I had to go home. My father laughed at me for crying. He told my relatives all about it. He did that so many times.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cYour father shamed you, he expected you to be perfect, no \u2018weakness\u2019 in your character. He got very angry when you let him down. He took it personally. He didn\u2019t know how else to take it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cI stopped telling my problems to my parents. I couldn\u2019t trust them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cDid that make things better?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cNo. I didn\u2019t expect \u2018better,\u2019 only \u2018less worse.\u2019 After my mom died, I had no one at all to talk too, not even my sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cYou were all you had. Did you feel alone, rejected? Did you feel unloved and helpless?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cYes, I still do. All the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cWhen did you get over these painful lessons about your parents, yourself, and towards life?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cNever. I didn\u2019t even know they were down there until now. What do you mean lessons about myself?\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cYou may have learned from your childhood experiences that, I don\u2019t belong and there\u2019s nothing I can do about it!\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cThat sounds like me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cWhat was your attitude toward life growing up?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cMy attitude toward life? With all these strikes against me, I haven\u2019t got a chance, so what\u2019s the use of trying? There wasn\u2019t anything I could do about anything!\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cExcept protect yourself by avoiding talking about your problems. You swallowed your anger and grief at all these betrayals of your trust. Later, you found that you could escape from the pain by pushing others away with anger! That was your solution, the cure for what ailed you!\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cIt didn\u2019t scratch where you itched. The pain is still down there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cWhich pain?\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cThe pain from your anger at others and at yourself. The pain from your anger at life for treating you so unfairly. You don\u2019t deserve this grief, but you\u2019ve got it anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t want it anymore!\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cThe fact that you haven\u2019t thought about it for years doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re free from it. It\u2019s still down there and it only takes one snowflake to cause an avalanche. If something new happens in the present to make you angry, your old wounds will resurface, and your pain will hurt all over again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cSo I just won\u2019t let myself get angry!\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cThat isn\u2019t a realistic choice. All humans get angry sooner or later. And when you do, you bottled up feelings will spill out and you\u2019ll blowup. You will be sensitive to anything that reminds you of that early victimization by your parents and so many others. That wound is still down there bleeding. We want it to heal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cI\u2019m handling it all right.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therapist: \u201cDenial is not \u2018handling,\u2019 it is \u2018postponing.\u2019 It will still be there tomorrow. Nothing has changed. In the meantime, your life is more difficult than it needs to be. This is your chance to break the chain that binds you to your unhappy past. Do you deserve a break today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Client: \u201cYes. I\u2019m way overdue.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Therapist: \u201cIt must have made you very angry when your father yelled and criticized you in front of your boyfriend.\u201d Client: \u201cI\u2019m not angry anymore.\u201d Therapist: \u201cThat\u2019s true. You don\u2019t feel angry. Your anger has been down there so long you\u2019ve lost touch with it. But it\u2019s an obstacle to <\/p>\n

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Shared by Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Contributing Blogger<\/a> October 23, 2018<\/p>\n

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