{"id":7569,"date":"2018-04-04T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-04-04T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/why-feeling-sad-is-actually-good\/"},"modified":"2018-06-27T12:24:55","modified_gmt":"2018-06-27T17:24:55","slug":"why-feeling-sad-is-actually-good","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/why-feeling-sad-is-actually-good\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Feeling Sad Is Actually Good"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>In our society, we\u2019re constantly striving to feel positive emotions\u2014only<\/em> positive emotions. Happiness. Joy. Gratitude. Calm. Peace. We see sadness as unhealthy and wrong, so when it arises, we feel unhealthy and wrong for experiencing it.<\/p>\n

We see sadness as unproductive. We just \u201cdon\u2019t see the point\u201d in feeling sad, said psychologist assistant Lena Dicken, Psy.D.<\/p>\n

We also might be scared to feel our sadness, which is understandable. \u201cIf there\u2019s a lot of sadness, due to grief or loss of a loved one, it can feel overwhelming, like a bottomless pit.\u201d<\/p>\n

Plus, there\u2019s a kind of pressure to \u201cat least appear happy all the time,\u201d said Zo\u00eb Kahn, a licensed clinical social worker in private practice, primarily seeing clients on the Eastside of Los Angeles. She noted that advertising and social media play a pivotal role in this image making. There\u2019s apparel with sayings like \u201cGood Vibes Only,\u201d and memes with happiness quotes like \u201cChoose Happy.\u201d People don\u2019t want to be seen as a \u201cdowner\u201d or a \u201cnegative person,\u201d Kahn said. Which means we keep our sadness to ourselves\u2014or even from<\/em> ourselves.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, we see sadness as an emotion to avoid at all costs. And we do try to avoid it at all costs. \u201cMost of us weren\u2019t taught how to be there for ourselves when we\u2019re feeling down, so avoidance feels like the only way to alleviate the pain,\u201d said Joy Malek<\/a>, a marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with people who are intuitive, empathic, creative and highly sensitive.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are socialized to \u2018just get through things\u2019 or \u2018toughen up\u2019 so it makes sense that our first inclination would be to avoid experiencing sadness (or other negative emotions) in order to be resilient,\u201d Kahn<\/a> said.<\/p>\n

People do \u201cjust about anything\u201d to avoid feeling sad, said Dicken, founder of\u00a0Saltwater Sessions<\/a>, an innovative therapeutic program that combines surfing and mindfulness. For instance, many get angry. \u201cAnger gives us a (false) sense of power over the situation by making us feel like we have control and are in charge.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many focus on changing their mindset and being optimistic, she said. But this also brushes sadness under the rug, which means \u201cyou end up with a huge pile of unprocessed feelings. It\u2019s only a matter of time until the feelings spill out and leave you no choice but to deal with them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many of Kahn\u2019s clients talk about zoning out while watching TV, sleeping long hours, self-medicating (with food and substances), working long hours or taking on numerous projects. \u201cI\u2019ve listened to many clients talk about filling up their days with \u2018distractions\u2019 in order to stay busy and ultimately avoid feeling sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Power of Sadness<\/h3>\n

But sadness is actually a good thing. It\u2019s actually a vital, valuable emotion. And it\u2019s critical that we carve out time to listen to it.<\/p>\n

According to Malek, sadness is \u201can expression of the soul, with valuable\u00a0information about what we\u2019re\u00a0experiencing and what we need.\u201d It is the first step in fulfilling our yearnings, she said, in giving ourselves what\u2019s missing in our lives.<\/p>\n

Similarly, Kahn noted that sadness is a sign of something we want to change, of an opportunity to grow and learn about ourselves on a deeper level. \u201cIt can be our psyche\u2019s way of shedding light on some truth we\u2019ve hidden from ourselves subconsciously or a truth we\u2019ve been too afraid to face because it feels scary.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kahn shared these examples: We realize that we\u2019re lonely, and we\u2019d like to connect more with others and have a richer social life. We realize that our relationship just isn\u2019t working, and we need to start couples therapy or break up. We realize our job isn\u2019t working out, and we need to find a better work environment or a different career. In other words, sadness can guide us toward the direction we need to go to create a more meaningful, connected, fulfilling life.<\/p>\n

\u201cAt times when we are grieving a loss, sadness reminds us that we are human, and that we need comfort, support, and space to mourn,\u201d Malek said.<\/p>\n

Our grief also speaks to the power of the relationship and our love for the person we\u2019ve lost. According to Jamie Anderson in\u00a0this beautiful piece<\/a>, \u201cGrief, I\u2019ve learned, is really love. It\u2019s all the love you want to give but cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes and in that part of your chest that gets empty and hollow feeling. The happiness of love turns to sadness when unspent. Grief is just love with no place to go. It\u2019s taken me seven years to realize that my grief is my way of telling the great vastness that the love I have still resides here with me. I will always grieve for my Mom because I will always love her.\u00a0It won\u2019t stop.\u00a0That\u2019s how love goes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bottling up our sadness (or any other emotion) doesn\u2019t make it go away. Instead, it stays and expresses itself in unhealthy ways. \u201cBottling up emotions could lead to any sort of addiction,\u201d said Dicken. Which might include anything from alcohol to gambling to exercising to suppress your emotions.<\/p>\n

Bottling up our sadness also shapes our behavior in relationships, and can lead us to feel disconnected from others. We might snap at a loved one or say something cruel. We might be sarcastic or cynical: Oh, that must be nice. Good for you. <\/em><\/p>\n

Feeling Your Sadness<\/h3>\n

If you\u2019ve been avoiding your sadness, it can seem almost impossible to feel it. But there are ways you can ease into the process. According to Malek, \u201cIt is difficult to face sadness alone, and it multiplies in isolation.\u201d Which is why she suggested working with a therapist or turning to a trusted friend. \u201cWe often don\u2019t realize that just speaking about our sadness out loud to someone who cares about us and wants to listen is healing in itself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dicken suggested putting on music that makes you feel emotional, lighting a candle and being present with whatever feelings arise. Reflect on what might be causing your feelings. \u201cTry not to distract yourself from the feelings with your phone or TV,\u00a0but do notice the desire to do so if it comes up.\u201d<\/p>\n

When easing into sadness, Kahn encourages her clients to focus on self-compassion and self-care \u201cfirst and foremost.\u201d This means inviting sadness in \u201cas a friend who has some valuable wisdom to share.\u201d She also suggested exploring where your sadness is stemming from, but it\u2019s OK if it\u2019s unclear at first.<\/p>\n

This means using \u201cself-care activities to create a compassionate, loving environment in which to explore and understand your sadness.\u201d Ask yourself regularly: \u201cIs this a loving choice for myself?\u201d Kahn said. Is having drinks tonight a loving choice? Is resting and going to bed earlier a loving choice? Is staying up late and scrolling social media a loving choice?<\/p>\n

You also might journal; listen to a guided meditation; or connect to nature by taking a walk or hiking a trail. Kahn stressed the importance of finding what works best for you<\/em>\u2014which might not be journaling or meditating or walking.<\/p>\n

Remind yourself that sadness is not permanent. After all, \u201cfeelings come and go,\u201d Malek said. \u201cIf we look back on our lives, we can see times when happiness, inspiration or connection were foremost.\u201d<\/p>\n

And remind yourself that sadness isn\u2019t pointless. When you sit with your sadness, you realize it has many stories to tell you. Stories about your needs and longings. Stories about loved ones you\u2019ll never stop loving or missing. Stories that are meaningful for you to explore\u2014and use to help you make important decisions.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>

Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In our society, we\u2019re constantly striving to feel positive emotions\u2014only positive emotions. Happiness. Joy. Gratitude. Calm. Peace. We see sadness as unhealthy and wrong, so when it arises, we feel unhealthy and wrong for experiencing it. We see sadness as unproductive. We just \u201cdon\u2019t see the point\u201d in feeling sad, <\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> April 4, 2018<\/p>\n

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