{"id":7592,"date":"2018-02-19T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-02-19T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/moms-with-adhd-reveal-lessons-theyve-learned-in-handling-parenting-challenges\/"},"modified":"2018-06-27T12:25:15","modified_gmt":"2018-06-27T17:25:15","slug":"moms-with-adhd-reveal-lessons-theyve-learned-in-handling-parenting-challenges","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/moms-with-adhd-reveal-lessons-theyve-learned-in-handling-parenting-challenges\/","title":{"rendered":"Moms with ADHD Reveal Lessons They\u2019ve Learned in Handling Parenting Challenges"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>You\u2019re a mom who has ADHD, and you\u2019re in the thick of mothering. Maybe you\u2019re in the thick of toddlerhood, besieged by big tantrums and bleary-eyed after one-too-many sleepless nights. Maybe you\u2019re in the thick of adolescence, trying to traverse schedules and emotional roller coasters. Maybe you have several kids, and find yourself frustrated and stressed out over all the logistics.<\/p>\n

Maybe none of the above describes your situation. But you still feel utterly inadequate and unsure and panicked that you\u2019re parenting all wrong.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n

Terry Matlen<\/a>, an ADHD coach, author and mom to two daughters, vividly remembers regularly feeling overwhelmed just getting through the day. Even though one of her daughters has ADHD, both were hyperactive. She needed quiet and downtime. Instead her kids couldn\u2019t stop moving and making noise.<\/p>\n

Matlen had a hard time keeping the house clean and organized. \u201cAs [the girls] got a tad older, making meals that everyone would eat put me right over the edge,\u201d she said. When they started school, Matlen found it difficult to stay on top of the endless paperwork.<\/p>\n

For ADHD coach Dana Rayburn<\/a>, the hardest part about parenting her now 18-year-old daughter, Aja, was her lack of consistency. Especially when kids are younger, consistency is king, whether it\u2019s bedtime, mealtime or discipline. \u201cI am so spontaneous and in the moment. It\u2019s hard enough for me to keep myself on track let alone manage her as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

Suzi Highet, a divorced, co-parenting mom of two young kids, who has ADHD and OCD, also worries that she can\u2019t provide the structure and routine her kids need. \u201cBedtime is particularly tough, when we\u2019re all tired and our already challenged executive functions are pretty much shot.\u201d<\/p>\n

For Jennifer Smith (not her real name) the toughest obstacle has been convincing her three kids who also have ADHD that \u201ctheir differences would\u00a0eventually present\u00a0themselves as gifts. As a young child, and even into high school, our youngest son was terrified of being \u2018outed.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

The challenges of parenting when you have ADHD can feel insurmountable. Thankfully, many things can help. Below, moms with ADHD share the biggest lessons they\u2019ve learned.<\/p>\n

Be honest.<\/strong> \u201cBy a fairly young age Aja noticed I was different from other moms,\u201d said Rayburn, who provides productivity coaching for business owners and professionals with ADHD and group coaching for all ADHD adults in the ADHD Success Club<\/a>. \u201cAnd, I was always very honest with her about my challenges at whatever level she was mature enough to understand.\u201d When she was younger Rayburn\u2019s daughter did play on her distractibility and pull her off track, but today Aja is protective of Rayburn and one of her biggest cheerleaders.<\/p>\n

Katherine Ellison<\/a>, a writer who has two sons, also stressed the importance of being honest. As she noted, parenting comes with many minefields: \u201cpromises you make impulsively only to realize they are also impossible, things that fly out of your mouth that you hate yourself for saying, beating yourself up for your periodic utter failure to model calm organization.\u201d Which is why she focused on being authentic and admitting her mistakes. \u201cAnd that\u2019s going to be worth a lot,\u201d said Ellison, author of the book ADHD: What Everyone Needs to Know<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n

Get clear on your priorities.<\/strong> Rayburn\u2019s parenting priorities are making Aja feel loved, safe and well-nourished. When Aja was younger, this meant rearranging her work schedule to volunteer in her classroom and attend all her activities, practices and events. \u201cWhere other parents would drop their kids off somewhere and leave, I always stayed. I couldn\u2019t give her consistency, but I could give her my presence.\u201d<\/p>\n

Honor your tendencies. <\/strong>Because of Matlen\u2019s sensitivity to noise and chaos, she spent a lot of time outside with her kids on things that helped them release their high energy\u2014everything from the swings to a basketball hoop to a mini trampoline. When her husband watched the girls, she\u2019d retreat to a quiet room. They also had a sitter for weekend date nights. What do you need? How can you honor and meet those needs?<\/p>\n

Focus on solutions.<\/strong> \u201cWith my youngest, homework responsibilities turned into nightly war zones,\u201d Matlen said. So she hired a college student to help, \u201cbecause to me, my relationship with my daughter was more important that her school work.\u201d That solution didn\u2019t work out, so Matlen requested that all homework be done during school hours, which meant no more battles. What problems are you running into? What kinds of solutions can you create?<\/p>\n

Keep things simple. <\/strong>Rayburn and her husband had a rule that Aja could only participate in one after-school activity at a time, such as gymnastics or Girl Scouts. \u201cShe had to choose. This was because I couldn\u2019t handle more than one extra thing.\u201d What can you simplify in your life, so you feel sane and supported?<\/p>\n

Embrace your gifts\u2014and capitalize on them. <\/strong>Having ADHD meant that Rayburn had to step back and let her daughter figure things out on her own. Which led Aja to become resourceful and self-reliant. \u201cSo many times when we were in the trenches of parenting I was afraid I wasn\u2019t doing enough for her. Now, I see how strong she is. And, how she appreciates our trust in her and doesn\u2019t abuse it,\u201d Rayburn said.<\/p>\n

Matlen capitalized on her creativity in all sorts of ways. She created a meal wheel, which the kids took turns spinning (solving \u201cthe crankiness at dinnertime when they hated what I put on the table\u201d). For lunch, she made faces out of food, cut sandwiches into shapes, and used interesting containers. She\u2019d also slip in silly pictures and sweet notes.<\/p>\n

Both Rayburn and Matlen used their creativity and playfulness to invent novel, zany games. Matlen, also an artist and musician, used art and music with her kids.<\/p>\n

Smith believes that ADHD has given her the gifts of empathy and intuition. Matlen also believes that having ADHD made her more sensitive to her kids\u2019 needs and gave her a deeper understanding of their behaviors. Plus, she was able to help them solve their problems.<\/p>\n

For Highet the self-acceptance she\u2019s developed has been a great example for her kids. For instance, she never complains about her appearance or criticizes herself in front of them. \u201cI might say, \u2018Mommy is frustrated because I don\u2019t feel like I did a good job.\u2019 But I won\u2019t call myself names or say I\u2019m no good at something. And I tell them \u2018we\u2019re all good at different things.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Highet also helps her \u201ckids discover who they are and celebrate that, rather than trying to make them into something they\u2019re \u2018supposed\u2019 to be.\u201d Smith has done the same. Her youngest son \u201cnearly aced the LSAT but decided to put law school on hold to pursue a dream job in the tech world\u2026I think he gets it\u00a0now!\u201d<\/p>\n

Break the rules.<\/strong> Remember you don\u2019t have to parent like anyone else. \u201cI allowed for more TV time than I wanted, because if I didn\u2019t have some quiet breaks, I felt I would fall apart,\u201d Matlen said. \u201cI allowed my super ADHD out-of-control child eat dinner in another room in front of the TV\u2014it was the only way she could focus on getting food in her.\u201d<\/p>\n

Get help. <\/strong>Help can take many forms and include many types of resources. For instance, Matlen read parenting books and attended parenting classes to learn specific strategies for managing her kids. She attended CHADD<\/a> meetings. \u201cBut what was most helpful was having someone come in to help me with the kids so I could get away.\u201d Today, Matlen runs a free Facebook group for moms with ADHD<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Rayburn is Smith\u2019s coach. Their work has been vital in helping Smith manage a year of wedding planning, home renovations and her husband\u2019s frequent work travel. \u201cThe skills she has given me are incredibly useful\u00a0for getting through every single day.\u201d Rayburn also has been a \u201clifesaver\u201d to Smith\u2019s daughter who landed an amazing job, which includes not-so amazing administrative tasks.<\/p>\n

Practice forgiveness. <\/strong>The biggest lesson Highet has learned has been forgiving herself and her kids\u2014 \u201cremembering that I\u2019m a wonderful, loving mom, and they\u2019re doing just great.\u201d<\/p>\n

What\u2019s also been helpful for Highet is hearing about other moms\u2019 struggles and complaints. \u201cThey have struggles too, and mine aren\u2019t worse; they\u2019re just different.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ultimately, \u201cFind ways to make things work for your particular family, even if they are unconventional,\u201d Matlen said. \u201cLearn to let things go and go with <\/em>it instead of fighting every little thing that doesn\u2019t seem to fit into the typical parenting pattern.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>

Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You\u2019re a mom who has ADHD, and you\u2019re in the thick of mothering. Maybe you\u2019re in the thick of toddlerhood, besieged by big tantrums and bleary-eyed after one-too-many sleepless nights. Maybe you\u2019re in the thick of adolescence, trying to traverse schedules and emotional roller coasters. Maybe you have several kids, <\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> February 19, 2018<\/p>\n

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