{"id":7597,"date":"2018-02-02T10:10:00","date_gmt":"2018-02-02T15:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/when-you-have-thoughts-or-worries-about-your-own-mortality\/"},"modified":"2018-06-27T12:25:17","modified_gmt":"2018-06-27T17:25:17","slug":"when-you-have-thoughts-or-worries-about-your-own-mortality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/when-you-have-thoughts-or-worries-about-your-own-mortality\/","title":{"rendered":"When You Have Thoughts or Worries About Your Own Mortality"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Imagine you are in a white room. Use five adjectives to describe the experience. Write those adjectives down. Don\u2019t censor yourself. Don\u2019t erase, scribble out or delete. Jot down the first five words that come to mind.<\/p>\n

This is the last part of a personality test that Rachael Morgan, an art therapist and licensed professional counselor, casually gives to friends. It\u2019s a test that was passed on to her by a friend who also got it from a friend.<\/p>\n

Some people have shared adjectives like: \u201cboring, scary, lonely, frustrating, dull.\u201d Others have said: \u201ccalm, peaceful, creative, relaxing, full of possibility\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The white room actually represents our thoughts about death (which can be subconscious). According to Morgan<\/a>, the white room might reflect these thoughts because \u201cit is a blank slate\u2014we get to project whatever thoughts, ideas, feelings, beliefs and symbols onto it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Many people start worrying about their own mortality after experiencing a loss. Maybe you lost someone close to you\u2014a parent, a partner, a sibling\u2014and you\u2019re acutely familiar with the fragility of life, including now your own.<\/p>\n

Psychologist Karin Lawson<\/a>, PsyD., noted that any transition can get us thinking about death: moving, marriage, divorce, aging.<\/p>\n

It also can depend on your personality. \u201cWe each spend time with philosophical questions and existential realities in our own ways,\u201d Morgan said.\u00a0\u201cI think some people enjoy allowing their minds to wonder and wander, while others find it terrifying.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes, in the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day, death isn\u2019t on our minds\u2014until certain circumstances remind us of our own mortality, said Sage Rubinstein<\/a>, MA, LMHC, a Miami-based therapist specializing in the treatment of eating disorders, addiction and trauma.\u00a0Maybe we almost get into a car accident. Maybe we\u2019re awaiting important medical results. Maybe we recently received a troubling diagnosis. This can even include positive moments, such as a wedding or the birth of a child, or \u201cany milestones that remind us of perhaps a self-imposed \u2018timeline.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes, thoughts about death come up unexpectedly. Lawson shared this example: You\u2019re at the Grand Canyon and the thought \u201cI could jump off this cliff\u201d pops into your head. Which makes you feel very unsettled, sparking a slew of anxious thoughts: \u201cI can\u2019t believe I would think such a thing! Am I suicidal? Why would I think of anything so dangerous? What\u2019s going on with me? Am I going crazy?\u201d<\/p>\n

Even though we\u2019re horrified about the initial thought, we keep thinking about it, which, again, inevitably triggers more anxiety\u2014and over time, \u201cthe original off-the-wall thought and anxiety become associated with each other.\u201d Since neurons that fire together, wire together, this creates a pattern, and any time we have a random thought, it\u2019s followed by anxiety, Lawson said. (Thankfully, we can create new patterns.)<\/p>\n

What can you do about these worries? <\/em><\/p>\n

According to Lawson, in the past, the preferred strategy was to distract yourself from distressing thoughts. But this creates a \u201cpush-pull and really sends a message that the thought isn\u2019t OK and that you need to get away from it.\u201d What\u2019s more helpful, she said, is to remind yourself: \u201cA thought is simply a thought, an electrical firing of a neuron. It was just a hiccup,\u201d and \u201cThinking something does not make it true and will not cause it to happen.\u201d \u200b<\/p>\n

In the Grand Canyon example, you acknowledge that you don\u2019t want to jump off the cliff, and the thought doesn\u2019t reveal some deeper meaning\u2014since the thought initially alarmed you, Lawson said. \u201cYou remember that everyone has off-the-wall thoughts sometimes and this was one of those bizarre, goofy moments.\u201d<\/p>\n

Similarly, Morgan believes that one of the best ways to approach these worries is to question our thoughts\u2014versus taking them at face value. She\u2019s a big fan of Byron Katie<\/a>, whose work focuses on \u201cchallenging our thoughts about what we think we know, but we really can\u2019t know.\u201d Katie\u2019s work, Morgan said, is similar to the idea of the white room. It includes asking ourselves these four questions: \u201cIs it true? Can you absolutely know that its true? How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? and Who would you be without the thought?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf our thoughts about death are causing distress, following up with these questions can illuminate that we are actually causing our distress, because the thoughts can\u2019t really be proven absolutely true.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rubinstein suggested practicing radical acceptance since death is, after all, inevitable. \u201cRadical acceptance is an existential and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) principle in which one stops fighting reality in order to reduce the suffering they experience around an entity they cannot control,\u201d\u00a0she said. That is, you accept that you can\u2019t control the when or how of your mortality. And you refocus on what you can control\u2014which is a lot. Rubinstein shared these examples: You can seek comfort in spiritual or religious beliefs; carve out time to practice habits that nourish you; and prioritize your values to ensure you\u2019re actually living by what\u2019s important to you.<\/p>\n

According to Morgan, another powerful way to reduce our anxiety is to stay in the present moment. Which we can do by meditating, moving our bodies and engaging in creative activities, she said. \u201cWe can focus on our breath.\u00a0This is the exact opposite of death.\u201d<\/p>\n

You can refocus on right now, on anything: \u201cthe TV, the sunset, the pet at your lap, the vacuum cleaner, the emails,\u201d Lawson said.<\/p>\n

She also stressed the importance of seeking professional help if: \u201cit feels like you\u2019re spending a fair amount of time and energy thinking of death, including ideas about how to die,\u00a0with means and a plan to put them in place\u201d; you\u2019re having anxious thoughts and are engaging in time-consuming rituals or tasks to protect yourself or others; you\u2019re anxious about death-related thoughts, which feels overwhelming and interferes with your day-to-day life.<\/p>\n

Lawson specifically recommended looking for therapists who practice existential psychotherapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and\/or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). \u201cIn particular, an existential or ACT therapist can really help support a process of reflection and meaning-making if you find yourself in a phase of life that is bringing death up more and more. A CBT therapist can really support intrusive, disturbing thoughts that may be secondary to conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s absolutely understandable to feel anxiety around death. For some of us, it\u2019s the white room of the unknown and unknowable. It is utterly uncertain. And that can be scary. Again, if your thoughts about dying are upsetting you, don\u2019t hesitate to make an appointment with a therapist.<\/p>\n

Further Reading<\/h3>\n

Lawson often recommends Dr. Irvin Yalom\u2019s<\/a> writings to her clients, along with the 2017 book Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting over Frightening, Obsessive or Disturbing Thoughts<\/a> <\/em>by Sally M. Winston, PsyD and Martin N. Seif, PhD.<\/p>\n

Rubinstein also suggested Yalom\u2019s book Creatures of a Day<\/em><\/a>. \u201cIt is an inside peek into the various ways we can conceptualize death, our mortality, and what it is like to be vulnerable with another person about some of our deepest fears.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>

Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Imagine you are in a white room. Use five adjectives to describe the experience. Write those adjectives down. Don\u2019t censor yourself. Don\u2019t erase, scribble out or delete. Jot down the first five words that come to mind. This is the last part of a personality test that Rachael Morgan, an <\/p>\n

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Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> February 2, 2018<\/p>\n

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