{"id":7645,"date":"2018-09-26T13:18:09","date_gmt":"2018-09-26T18:18:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/protect-yourself-do-not-trust-anyone\/"},"modified":"2018-09-26T13:18:11","modified_gmt":"2018-09-26T18:18:11","slug":"protect-yourself-do-not-trust-anyone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/protect-yourself-do-not-trust-anyone\/","title":{"rendered":"Protect Yourself: Do Not Trust Anyone"},"content":{"rendered":"
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(Therapist) \u201cWhat has to happen before you can ask for help?\u201d<\/p>\n

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(Client) \u201cI don\u2019t know?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201dYou have to trust the person you are asking.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cI don\u2019t trust many people.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist)\u201dWhat has to happen before you can trust people?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cThey have to earn my trust.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cOr you can take ownership over how your behavior shapes how other people respond. You may trust them to say no in advance, so you don\u2019t even bother to ask. You may fear being disappointed and feel discouraged because you assume what is the point of trying because you\u2019ll just be turned down anyways.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cBut they do turn me down.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cOf course, if you ask with the wrong music, the wrong intonation, they will turn you down. They hear it in your voice, \u2018you not going to say yes are you?\u2019 So they fulfill your expectation and they say no.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cHow can I make them say yes?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cDo you see how you are putting the problem in terms of changing others? Its not about how we can get them to respond differently. It\u2019s more important to focus on what you can control. You can choose to stop trying to control the potential from happening and instead you can choose to live in the present by focusing on reality.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cIf I ask for help people will think I\u2019m weak and needy.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cThat is some expectation you learned somewhere in the past. It is an expectation of being judged. You are living on other people\u2019s terms, not your own. This implies that others will define me, I cannot define myself.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cThat is what I\u2019d like to do, I\u2019d like to feel good about myself even if other\u2019s don\u2019t approve of what I\u2019m doing.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cWhat has to happen first?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cI\u2019m not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cYou have to change your expectation from pessimism to optimism. When you do, you will feel that people can be trusted. You will even feel you deserve to get what you want. If you don\u2019t feel you deserve it, you will set yourself up to fail, you will ask for help in a discouraging, off-putting way. You will confirm your belief of being lesser and inferior, which will only perpetuate your pessimism forever. Is there a pattern in these blow ups?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cI get angry when someone takes over a project I\u2019m working on because the director wanted it ASAP\u2026As if I was doing a lousy job.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cYou take it personally, as if it were a reflection on your worth as a person.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cIsn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cNo you are a worthwhile human being regardless of your performance.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cIt\u2019s hard to accept.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cIt\u2019s new to you, but that is how you can live your life as an adult, with an identity of your own.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t want to change? Maybe other people need to change!\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cI agree. They should. They picked up beliefs in their childhood that they never examined, let alone re-examined. They are imperfect too.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cBut it still hurts when they put me down.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cInstead of changing them, which they have not asked you to do and wouldn\u2019t work anyways, you have the right and responsibility to change yourself. It\u2019s your pain, your vulnerability, your role in life. When you change yourself, very often other people will pick up on it and treat you differently, like an equal member of the human race.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cHow is that done?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cIts done by doing your homework. Homework is how we practice a skill. Your homework could be making new choices. You can choose to catch yourself taking a set back more personally than you need to take it. You can choose to remind yourself that you are worthwhile in spite of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cWhat do I do with the anger?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cYou can choose to manage your legitimate anger like a grownup. You can say, \u2018It makes me angry when you do that.\u2019 This is called telling the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

(Client) \u201cIsn\u2019t that whining, you know bitching and moaning?\u201d<\/p>\n

(Therapist) \u201cNo. It is expressing a legitimate human emotion appropriately in a timely manner. It is not too strong and it is not too weak. It isn\u2019t a crime and you are not guilty of displeasing. Maybe they will respect you enough to listen to what you are saying and cooperate with you as an equal. But you are a worthwhile human being either way. It is unpleasant not to get your way, but you are an equally respectable and lovable person despite your imperfections.\u201d<\/p>\n

Photo<\/a> by Doc Media Centre<\/a> <\/a><\/small><\/p>\n

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Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Therapist) \u201cWhat has to happen before you can ask for help?\u201d (Client) \u201cI don\u2019t know?\u201d (Therapist) \u201dYou have to trust the person you are asking.\u201d (Client) \u201cI don\u2019t trust many people.\u201d (Therapist)\u201dWhat has to happen before you can trust people?\u201d (Client) \u201cThey have to earn my trust.\u201d (Therapist) \u201cOr you <\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>
Shared by Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Contributing Blogger<\/a> September 26, 2018<\/p>\n

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