{"id":7660,"date":"2018-09-26T13:18:19","date_gmt":"2018-09-26T18:18:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/grief-is-crazy-making\/"},"modified":"2018-09-26T13:18:20","modified_gmt":"2018-09-26T18:18:20","slug":"grief-is-crazy-making","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/grief-is-crazy-making\/","title":{"rendered":"Grief is Crazy Making"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cFor me, it didn\u2019t feel like mom was really dying, until I saw her dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

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\u201dI felt her hand. I touched her face. She had been dead for a few hours.\u201d<\/p>\n

Guest blogger, Laura Brownstone,\u00a0<\/span>LCSW has been a grief therapist for over 15 years. Her mother passed over seven years ago, but emotional memories endure. Her experience is a reminder that despite knowledge and professional skills, grief is a journey, not a destination.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMom had struggled during the night and had fallen back to sleep. She never woke up. I remember when she got a first and second opinion. Did she have ALS? The doctor\u2019s told her probably not, but they gave her medication, just in case. She went through a battery of tests of what felt like pin pricks which, she said, made her want to jump out of her skin. She went to Mayo Clinic in Arizona for the final opinion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI spent more time with her when her health declined. I worked only three days a week, so I could take her to TJ Max or to radiation. Oh, yes, she had breast cancer first. I remember a few days before she died as I held one hand while my sister held her other hand. \u00a0We pulsed with her hands \u201cI love you.\u201d It was something I taught her to do. This is something I learned from Anna, my youngest daughter.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne day we held her hands, she had her nails and hair done for her 70th birthday party. Her best friend, Jill flew in from Ashville to take care of her for her party. I remember that she glowed like a pure white light in her linens.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShe had told me once that she didn\u2019t want to meet Oprah. She was embarrassed she could no longer speak. I guess Oprah had invited people on her show who had ALS. Mom wore wire-rimmed glasses because she could no longer wear contacts. She hated to be embarrassed. By having this disease, she had to cope with inevitable embarrassment and learn to love and forgive herself.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone heard her when she used her Ipad or Iphone. She had a few choice words ready to go. \u201cFuck you, Go to hell. Thanks, I love you. \u201c Some days when I am just waking up, I have to remind myself that she is not here and she won\u2019t call me. She won\u2019t write postcards from the road.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat I found helpful initially was going to an ALS support group and being told what was normal. Trauma Therapist Robin Shapiro wrote that \u2018grief is crazy making\u2019. The waves of intensity can come suddenly in the grocery store or in the shower. Let it come. You will not go insane. \u00a0When you hold it in and put away all the pictures, grief goes inside the body and calcifies. We want to be able to release it from our emotional system.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere are a few tips that I give my clients:<\/p>\n