In actuality, these are all common myths and misconceptions.<\/p>\n
Psychotherapist Katrina Taylor<\/a>, LMFT, pointed out that there\u2019s a difference between blaming and accountability. \u201cIf your parents have hurt you in the past, it\u2019s important to take an honest look at how that\u2019s affected you.\u201d Doing so might spark a productive, healing conversation with your family and stop you from repeating similar patterns with your own kids, she said.<\/p>\n Exploring the past doesn\u2019t mean perpetuating a victim stance either. Acknowledging our pain means acknowledging our vulnerability and humanity, Taylor said. \u201cBeing in touch with those feelings is what allows us to do something different in our lives.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBy looking backward, one can better understand their present and make positive changes for the future,\u201d said Emily Griffiths<\/a>, LPC, a licensed psychotherapist in private practice who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, depression and trauma in Austin, Texas.<\/p>\n Exploring the past gives clients \u201ccorrective emotional experiences,\u201d she said, which is \u201cwhen a client experiences something that challenges a previously held belief.\u201d For instance, maybe you grew up thinking that most people can\u2019t be trusted or that you\u2019re not good enough or capable.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen people talk about their past they realize the distortions they had because of their age or position, they see how a reasonable thought then could be an unreasonable thought now, or they realize that they\u2019ve blamed themselves for something they\u2019d never blame another child for,\u201d said Ryan Howes<\/a>, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif.<\/p>\n After telling their story or answering a question, Howes\u2019s clients have often said: \u201cWow, when I said that out loud, it seemed [\u2018not as scary\u2019 or \u2018totally irrational\u2019 or \u2018just what my mom would say\u2019 or \u2018not me at all\u2019].\u201d<\/p>\n Exploring their early environment helps clients understand who they are and why, said Taylor. They might explore everything from whether their parents encouraged independence or prolonged attachment to whether they invited emotional expression or wanted kids to be \u201cseen and not heard,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Looking back also helps to uncover your relationship patterns, Taylor said. \u201c[A] man who comes to therapy saying that his wife complains of his emotional coldness will understand himself on a different level when we explore the relationship with his stoic mother who encouraged him to \u2018grin and bear it\u2019 rather than cry.\u201d<\/p>\n You might discover why you do all sorts of things today\u2014why you say yes to things you don\u2019t want to do, why you sabotage your performance when you can actually succeed, why you dwell on the negative. And then you can take action to challenge these patterns, Howes said.<\/p>\n In fact, mining the past for clues into your present behavior can be transformative. \u201cWhen you realize you\u2019ve sought out unavailable partners because you always wanted love from an unavailable parent, this can liberate you to seek love from people who really care about you,\u201d Howes said.<\/p>\n Exploring the past is especially helpful when old messages persist and have contributed to a poor self-image, Howes said. You can learn where messages like \u201cYou\u2019re a bad person,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ll never make it\u201d or \u201cYou\u2019re just a phony\u201d originated from and dismantle them, he said.<\/p>\n Howes also noted that delving into the past may be necessary when a client has experienced trauma. The key, he said, resides in retelling the story of the traumatic event, because the more you talk about it, the more you tend to lose the emotional impact. \u201cBy the tenth time [you tell] the story, it [feels] like [you\u2019re] reading from a script, and you [don\u2019t] feel the trauma at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Griffiths agreed. \u201cReliving difficult experiences in the safety of the therapeutic relationship can help the client disconnect the memory from the physical aspects that are the source of extreme discomfort such as night sweats, panic attacks, and fixating on thoughts and past events.\u201d<\/p>\n Griffiths underscored that if a client has discussed the traumatic event, doesn\u2019t feel safe or doesn\u2019t think it\u2019ll be helpful to talk about in the moment, she doesn\u2019t believe it\u2019s essential to explore it. She focuses on creating a safe space for her clients to share their trauma when they\u2019re ready.<\/p>\n Moreover, turning to the past is critical when there\u2019s a longstanding problem the client has been unable to overcome. Taylor believes that a high percentage of people who start therapy struggle with problems that stem from their childhood experiences. The key is to zero in on the defenses\u2014or adaptations, as Taylor calls them\u2014that people have developed to deal with their family environment.<\/p>\n \u201cAt some point the symptom served an important purpose for the client and it continues to persist. Perhaps the client knows this is something they need to change but seem unable to do so.\u201d<\/p>\n Taylor shared this example: A person keeps having relationships with emotionally abusive partners. They don\u2019t want to keep doing this, and yet they regularly find themselves in these relationships. This client \u201cconsciously wants to change, but unconsciously feels pulled to repeat a familiar kind of relationship\u201d\u2014the early relationship with their caregivers. Maybe they internalized the message that they don\u2019t deserve anything better than abuse, or maybe being criticized feels more loving than praise, she said.<\/p>\n \u201cExploring these questions is what allows the client to understand the motivations behind their choices and to begin to choose differently.\u201d<\/p>\n You don\u2019t always need to explore your past in therapy. As Howes said, if the problem is recent\u2014you\u2019ve been symptom-free your whole life, and a hit-and-run has made you feel uneasy on the road\u2014he\u2019s not going to ask about your grandmother. \u201cSome problems aren\u2019t rooted in the past, and digging would be a fruitless endeavor.\u201d<\/p>\n Taylor shared these additional examples: a client needs space to grieve the loss of a loved one, they\u2019re dealing with an empty nest, or they\u2019ve lost their job. (However, if a client frequently loses their job, it\u2019s time \u201cto get historical and understand how the past is influencing the present and causing this person to sabotage themselves.\u201d)<\/p>\n Some clients simply don\u2019t care about the past. For instance, you have a strong dog phobia, and instead of learning how it developed, you just want it to stop, Howes said.<\/p>\n Not all therapists prioritize the past. Cognitive-behavioral therapists, for example, mainly focus on current thoughts and behaviors, Howes said.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s the therapists who choose to look at relational patterns, early trauma, and the unconscious who find value in exploring the past.\u201d Howes noted these therapists may use the following words to describe their work: \u201crelational,\u201d \u201cattachment-based,\u201d \u201cFreudian,\u201d \u201cJungian,\u201d \u201cdepth-psychology,\u201d \u201cpsychodynamic,\u201d or \u201cpsychoanalytic.\u201d<\/p>\n Howes believes that \u201cwe are shaped by data from our genetics as well as our past, with a strong emphasis on our earliest experiences. As the Alexander Pope quote from 1734 says: \u2018Just as the twig is bent, the tree\u2019s inclined.\u2019 We can\u2019t help but be influenced by our early life, especially the profoundly positive or negative experiences.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe therapists who dive into the past do so because they believe the origins of the problem, or the reasons the problem is intensified or remains stubborn, lies in the past,\u201d Howes added.<\/p>\n Taylor believes that exploring our past goes beyond the individual; it benefits society.<\/p>\n \u201cWe all unconsciously repeat childhood patterns in our lives that we\u2019re not aware of. We value certain emotions over others, we expect people around us to behave in certain ways, and we may struggle with empathy and compassion for those different from us.\u201d<\/p>\n When we look into the past, we uncover these unconscious patterns, and when we better understand ourselves, we better understand others, too, she said. When we have compassion for all our parts\u2014including the darker parts\u2014we\u2019re more respectful of others\u2019 humanity.<\/p>\n \u201cOverall, the work of therapy, and particularly with a focus on past relationships, contributes to a kinder world.\u201d<\/p>\n If exploring the past is stopping you from seeking therapy, start your session by expressing this fear directly. According to Taylor, you might say: \u201cI\u2019m here because certain things in my life are not working but I\u2019m hesitant to explore my history and I\u2019m not sure why.\u201d<\/p>\n As Howes added, \u201cThe beauty of therapy is [that you and your therapist are] united in a common cause\u2014understanding you and helping you manage your life.\u201d<\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There\u2019s a prevailing belief that exploring your past in therapy is pointless. A complete waste of time. After all, talking about past circumstances doesn\u2019t change them. It\u2019s also self-indulgent and narcissistic, right? And it takes too darn long. You can talk about your childhood for years and not get anywhere. <\/p>\n Read More<\/a><\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> October 31, 2018<\/p>\n