Below, you\u2019ll find other vital lessons to start teaching your young kids right now\u2014and the details on doing it.<\/p>\n
Teach your kids they\u2019re capable and competent.<\/strong> Let your kids do more tasks on their own. Because the less you do for them, the more they learn what they\u2019re made of, said John Duffy, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist, author of The Available Parent<\/em><\/a> and co-host of the podcast \u201cBetter<\/a>\u201d with his wife. \u201cThis gift is both invaluable and indelible. Children will maintain that sense of competence for a lifetime.\u201d<\/p>\n Duffy encouraged parents to challenge kids to do things they normally wouldn\u2019t\u2014doing laundry and dishes, contributing to adult conversations about politics or religion, troubleshooting computer problems and even helping to repair a car engine.<\/p>\n \u201cInvite them into these spaces. You will marvel at what they\u2019re capable of.\u201d<\/p>\n Teach your kids to understand and cope with their emotions. <\/strong>Parents often tell their kids to calm down, behave or do better, and get frustrated when they inevitably don\u2019t, said Natalia van Rikxoort<\/a>, MSW, ACC, a social worker and certified life coach who specializes in ADHD and family coaching. \u201cWhat your kids won\u2019t tell you is that they have no idea what these things really mean, let alone how to put them into action.\u201d<\/p>\n Again, give your child a vocabulary for their emotions. If they\u2019re starting to have a meltdown, kneel down and say, \u201cI can see you\u2019re feeling frustrated\u201d or \u201cI know you\u2019re really disappointed.\u201d Review a feelings chart when they\u2019re calm, she said.<\/p>\n Janine Halloran, a licensed mental health counselor and founder of\u00a0Coping Skills for Kids<\/a>, also stressed the importance of educating about emotions. Encourage your kids to identify when they\u2019re feeling happy, mad and sad: \u201cWhat makes you feel happy? How does your body feel when you feel that way? What does your face look like?\u201d<\/p>\n Reading and watching TV are great opportunities to identify feelings, too, said Halloran, author of the\u00a0Coping Skills for Kids Workbook<\/a><\/em>. You might ask questions like: \u201cHow do you think Katina felt when that happened? How would you feel if that happened to you? What do you notice about Quentin\u2019s face and body? What do you think he\u2019s feeling?\u201d<\/p>\n Teach your child coping skills. Put different actions on a chart or index cards that your child finds calming or enjoyable, such as doing jumping jacks, taking a short break, playing with your pet, going outside and listening to music, van Rikxoort said. \u201cWhen you sense your child is becoming overwhelmed, prompt them to choose a coping skill to use.\u201d<\/p>\n When your child is having a meltdown, van Rikxoort suggested focusing on what their behavior is communicating or what skill they\u2019re lacking. For instance, they get upset when you ask them to clean up their toys. Maybe it\u2019s because they\u2019re overwhelmed by such a big task, and have no clue how to begin.<\/p>\n \u201cIf your child is a bit older, you can talk to them about what makes cleaning up difficult and what might be done to make it easier.\u201d And you can model how to separate tasks into smaller steps, such as cleaning up the blocks first and then putting away the art supplies.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also helpful to teach your child to ask for help\u2014something van Rikxoort has already started doing with her two-year-old. When her daughter gets frustrated, she says, \u201cHelp please.\u201d \u201cNow when a toy rolls under the couch, rather than have a meltdown, she asks for help. Kids are often too embarrassed or afraid to reach out for assistance when they need it, so it\u2019s important to let your kids know that asking for help is OK.\u201d<\/p>\n Lastly, label your own emotions. You might say, \u201cI feel so happy because \u2026\u201d \u201cI\u2019m a little sad because \u2026\u201d Halloran said. \u201cWhen parents have more challenging feelings, they can demonstrate that it\u2019s possible to make a change to how they feel,\u201d such as: \u201cI\u2019m feeling mad, so I\u2019m going to take a sip of cold water and take a belly breath to calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n Teach your kids the golden rule. <\/strong>This rule encompasses everything from compassion to cooperation to forgiveness, according to Catherine O\u2019Brien<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Sacramento, Calif.,\u00a0guiding new parents on the road of parenthood. It\u2019s also the foundation for essential conversations like understanding fairness and justice and building connection with others, she said.<\/p>\n The first step is to model the golden rule ourselves, and to treat our kids with respect. \u201c[A]s parents, it can be easy to think of us as being the adults and them as being \u2018just kids,\u2019\u201d O\u2019Brien said. \u201cIt puts an invisible separation between us and them. But we\u2019re all human individuals and deserve to be treated as such.\u201d<\/p>\n Listen intently to your kids, without interrupting or judging what they\u2019re saying. When you lose your cool, take responsibility and apologize. This shows that it\u2019s OK to get frustrated, you can work through conflict, and that everyone is accountable for their actions, O\u2019Brien said.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s another strategy: Instead of forcing your child to apologize for taking someone else\u2019s toy, ask the other child how it made them feel, and then ask your child how they can help to make things fair or better, she said. (If you rush the apology, they might not realize what they did wrong, and learn that they can do whatever they want as long as they say \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d later, she said.)<\/p>\n O\u2019Brien also stressed the importance of teaching your kids that they need to ask others for permission to hug or kiss them. Everyone is different: Some kids are physical, while others freeze up when another child hugs them, she said. Similarly, don\u2019t make your child hug or kiss anyone either \u201cbecause it is expected, like a grandparent, uncle or family friend.\u201d<\/p>\n As Daniels noted, \u201cRegardless of what we teach, our actions will always be our children\u2019s biggest teacher.\u201d So whatever you want your kids to learn, model it. Because they will emulate it, she said. Of course, we\u2019re also human, and we make plenty of mistakes. And that\u2019s OK. Because we can also model imperfection, self-acceptance and how to pick up the pieces.<\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As parents, there are lots of skills we need and want to teach our kids. Most of us focus on the basics, such as teaching our kids how to feed and dress themselves, how to tie their shoes, how to count, and read and write. After all, these are foundational <\/p>\n Read More<\/a><\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> September 12, 2018<\/p>\n