However, if you reframe your perspective\u2014I\u2019ll do my best, one task at a time<\/em>\u2014then you\u2019ll feel calm and confident. \u201cYour behavior isn\u2019t rushed or erratic, and you find you are efficient and effective in your approach to completing your tasks.\u201d<\/p>\n We adopt all kinds of unhelpful perspectives that keep us stuck. We think we don\u2019t have control over our circumstances and our lives, and we think our ability to grow and accomplish certain goals is limited (when it actually isn\u2019t), said Diane Webb<\/a>, LMHC, a psychotherapist and self-development coach in private practice in Clifton Park, N.Y. \u201cIf you think there are limits, the limits will present themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n We think in terms of \u201calways\u201d and \u201cnever.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re unemployed and unhappy today, so you start to think you\u2019ll always be unemployed and sad,\u201d said Ryan Howes<\/a>, Ph.D, a board-certified psychologist and writer in Pasadena, Calif. \u201cYou\u2019ve dated 10 men and haven\u2019t yet found a great fit, so you start to believe that you\u2019ll never find a solid relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n Thankfully, our perspectives aren\u2019t permanent, and sometimes they don\u2019t take much to shift\u2014a simple (and profound) question can alter our viewpoint, and help us create incredible change. These questions can help you see things through a healthier, more effective lens:<\/p>\n Is this perspective an old tape on replay? <\/strong>According to Webb, an old tape is an old way of thinking\u2014about deficits you thought you had but outgrew, or definitions you gave yourself that no longer fit what you\u2019ve become and achieved. For example, an executive still sees herself as inadequate because she struggled with math in school, she said. Does this perspective prevent me from abundance, happiness and peace?<\/strong> Webb suggested asking this question, which is vital because we regularly think things that don\u2019t serve or support us.<\/p>\n What has this perspective cost me? What have I missed out on because of this perspective? <\/strong>Webb said. These questions speak to whether you\u2019re clinging to negative, limiting perspectives that have led you to decline positive opportunities (or make unhealthy decisions). Because if a perspective is poisoning your life, why are you holding onto it?<\/p>\n If I were twice as strong and twice as confident, what decision would I make? <\/strong>Howes asks his clients this question when it seems like fear is clouding their judgment. \u201cThis doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s always the right choice, but it does show how much power they\u2019re giving to fear.\u201d<\/p>\n What am I grateful for in this moment?<\/strong> According to Gunnell, gratitude moves us from a mentality of scarcity to a mentality of abundance. It moves us from being filled with fear and worry to feeling empowered and maybe even seeing possibilities where before we saw none.<\/p>\n For instance, Gunnell\u2019s client is the breadwinner of her family, while her husband stays home with their young kids. Her job involved long hours, grueling deadlines, demanding expectations and frequent global travel. The stress was sparking significant health issues. For months she dreamed about finding a new job, but she thought she didn\u2019t have the time for a comprehensive search, and felt pressure as the primary earner to stay. Then she was let go\u2014and felt shocked, angry and devastated. However, she quickly shifted to a grateful, hopeful perspective: This gives her \u201ca break to catch her breath, reduce her stress and start a comprehensive job search for a new position in a company [that\u2019s] a better fit for her family, life balance and health.\u201d<\/p>\n Does this perspective belong to someone else?<\/strong> Do I want to adopt it myself? <\/strong>For instance, we often internalize our parents\u2019 perspective about ourselves, who we\u2019d become in the future and their approach to life, Webb said. We also often internalize societal expectations and standards. But, as the latter question illustrates, just because we once took on a perspective doesn\u2019t mean we have to keep it; we have a choice in whether to adopt a viewpoint or not.<\/p>\n What would my mentor or hero do? <\/strong>\u201cWe have role models for a reason, to model bravery and character for us,\u201d Howes said. \u201cSometimes it\u2019s easier to get in touch with their motivations than our own, and this is worth exploring.\u201d<\/p>\n What can I learn from this?<\/strong> You can gain insight even when you feel terribly stuck, Howes said. For example, when you ask this question, you might realize that you should trust your gut, that you need to better control your anger, or that you\u2019ve been pursuing the wrong relationships, he said. \u201cSometimes just knowing there\u2019s a nugget you\u2019ll take away feels empowering.\u201d<\/p>\n Is this perspective in alignment with what I want in my life? <\/strong>Webb said. Reflect on what you want your life and your days to look like. Does your mindset match these desires and dreams? Does your mindset match these specific images?<\/p>\n How will I want to remember this chapter of my life when I re-tell the story? <\/strong> When you\u2019re feeling paralyzed, it\u2019s hard to see the bigger picture\u2014and to see potential solutions. Which is why Howes suggested imagining yourself \u201csome time in the future telling the story from this time\u201d and wondering how you\u2019d like the narrative to sound. For instance, you might come up with: \u201cI kept pushing until I found a brand-new solution,\u201d Howes said.<\/p>\n \u201cJust imagining this helps you realize you won\u2019t be in this predicament forever, and starts you on the road of problem solving as you write your own story.\u201d<\/p>\n Because, remember, you are the author of your life.<\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The way you see something can easily keep you stuck and stressed\u2014or it can free you. In other words, your perspective is powerful in creating the life you want to live\u2014or not. For instance, if you think you\u2019ll never find a fulfilling job, you\u2019ll feel demoralized, and you won\u2019t do <\/p>\n Read More<\/a>
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\nWhat do I<\/em> want? How do I<\/em> feel? <\/strong>\u201cMany people get so involved in the needs and wants of others they fail to check in with their own wants and feelings,\u201d Howes said. You still might need to consider others, but your desires are just as important.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> February 26, 2019<\/p>\n