{"id":7963,"date":"2019-06-12T12:19:24","date_gmt":"2019-06-12T17:19:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/parenting-a-whiny-disrespectful-child-how-to-stay-calm\/"},"modified":"2019-06-12T12:19:24","modified_gmt":"2019-06-12T17:19:24","slug":"parenting-a-whiny-disrespectful-child-how-to-stay-calm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/parenting-a-whiny-disrespectful-child-how-to-stay-calm\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting a Whiny, Disrespectful Child: How to Stay Calm"},"content":{"rendered":"

As parents, we are probably all familiar with being provoked into a blood vessel-popping rage.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

We are instantly overwhelmed and any resolution we might have made to stay calm is eradicated. That\u2019s because kids are amazingly good at refining behaviors that they can turn to when they\u2019re disappointed or angry, especially in public, to make their parents even angrier. <\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s just stand back for a moment and appreciate the virtuosity of the 6-year-old who trails along behind you every morning on the way to school wailing that you\u2019re mean because you make him wear an uncomfortable backpack. Or the 9-year-old who demonstrates her budding independence and wit by being rude to you in front of others, or the 12-year-old who during an argument over chores shouts, \u201cYou don\u2019t care about anybody but yourself! You just want me to do all this stupid stuff around your stupid house because you\u2019re so selfish and lazy!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s as if they had commissioned a study of the most effective ways to set you off and then implemented the findings with great care and foresight. And yet there you go, rising to the bait. What\u2019s your standard move? The come-along arm yank? The livid pinch-and-shake combo? The point-by-point counterargument? \u201cWhat? I\u2019m selfish? I\u2019m lazy? I changed your diapers and picked your nose and sat up with you all night long when you were sick! I work hard all day to support this family, and then I get home and I clean and I cook. \u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s really no satisfying response, is there? Decreeing an extravagantly harsh punishment may immediately address your sense of justice, but it\u2019s unlikely to make the annoying behavior go away, and once you calm down, you\u2019re unlikely to stick with the punishment, anyway. <\/span><\/p>\n

Grabbing, shaking, hitting, or screaming at your kid may stop the behavior and be cathartic for you, but only for a moment (after which you may well begin to feel guilty for losing control of yourself and overreacting), and over time such responses will likely lead to further behavioral problems. Ignoring the unwanted behavior and finding ways to encourage its positive opposite is the effective response for getting rid of the unwanted behavior in the long run, but this approach won\u2019t satisfy your overwhelming short-term urge to do something right now that punishes the crime.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s difficult to work out a satisfying response to flagrant disrespect because you\u2019re typically in the grip of at least four distinct, only partially overlapping, and often conflicting motives: <\/span><\/p>\n