Another reason is that showing up for ourselves is a learned behavior that originates from childhood, said Samantha Moshiri<\/a>, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with adolescents and adults with eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder, as well as depression, and anxiety.<\/p>\n \u201cWe are born with the instinct to be attuned to our own needs and to actively attempt to meet them, in essence to show up for ourselves,\u201d she said. But how this instinct evolves over time largely depends on our interactions with our caregivers. If a caregiver responds in a nurturing manner when a baby cries, that baby will likely grow up believing it\u2019s safe to express their needs.<\/p>\n However, if our needs are \u201cmet with anger, hostility, upset, or inconsistency, [we] learn to make accommodations for other people in order to garner a different reaction\u2014thus begins a pattern of putting other people\u2019s needs before our own,\u201d Moshiri said.<\/p>\n We can show up for ourselves in many different ways.<\/p>\n Showing up for ourselves can mean noticing our emotional and physiological experiences, Rubinstein said. \u201cBy turning inwards and connecting with what we\u2019re truly thinking and feeling, we then become better equipped to figure out what it is we need in that moment and then, most importantly, honor that need.\u201d<\/p>\n Showing up for ourselves also means not depriving ourselves. Rubinstein regularly hears both clients and friends discuss different joys\u2014love, laughter, food\u2014as rewards for hard work or discipline. However, we don\u2019t need to earn these things, because \u201cwe are all deserving.\u201d<\/p>\n If you don\u2019t think you\u2019re worthy of kindness and care, that\u2019s OK. Act, anyway. Because you don\u2019t have to wait until you feel great about yourself to act that way. Even though developing and strengthening your sense of self-worth is imperative, it also can take time, Moshiri said. And \u201cyou deserve to start showing up for yourself now.\u201d<\/p>\n You can do that by taking small steps\u2014such as trying the below ideas. Plus, \u201cby taking action steps to show up for yourself, you might just start to feel more self-confident and worthy along the way,\u201d Moshiri said. Because actions can alter our mindset, mood, and even our deepest beliefs.<\/p>\n Explore how you actually treat yourself.<\/strong> Sometimes, we don\u2019t even realize the ways in which we act toward ourselves\u2014what we say, what we do\u2014especially when we\u2019re struggling. This is why Rubinstein suggested taking Kristin Neff\u2019s self-compassion quiz<\/a>, which provides a greater understanding of just how self-compassionate you are\u2014or aren\u2019t. She also stressed the importance of communicating your needs in an assertive way: You respectfully and clearly tell someone what you want.<\/p>\n Moshiri noted that setting boundaries is \u201csaying no to people and things that would jeopardize you honoring your own needs.\u201d She shared these examples: saying no to a friend\u2019s invitation because you\u2019re tired and staying in would help you to feel relaxed and refreshed; saying no to taking on more clients or projects, even though you\u2019re capable of doing so; saying no to adding another sport or extracurricular activity for your kids. (Because, as Moshiri said, your kids don\u2019t need a perfect schedule or parent; they need a happy parent who rests when you need to rest, and says no when your to-do list gets too long.)<\/p>\n According to Renee, if you don\u2019t feel comfortable saying no, offer an alternative, such as: \u201cI\u2019m unable to speak at the conference, but I know someone else in my field who would be amazing at it!\u201d It\u2019s also helpful to have some canned responses to lessen your anxiety and discomfort over setting boundaries, she said.<\/p>\n Live according to your values.<\/strong> According to Rubinstein, we can live our values through small acts. For example, if adventure is an important value for you, you frequently try new restaurants, new foods, and new hiking trails. If courage is a value, you speak up for yourself during work meetings and face fears like public speaking.<\/p>\n To identify your core values, Rubinstein suggested finding a list of core values (like this one<\/a>), and circling the ones that resonate with you. Then narrow your values down to five. Think about how you can act on these values on a daily basis.<\/p>\n \u201cKeep in mind that your values are fluid and can change. You can repeat this exercise every month or couple months and see what values change and which remain the same,\u201d she added.<\/p>\n Talk to yourself with kindness.<\/strong> Start off by acknowledging small victories, Rubinstein said. \u201cThis could mean acknowledging efforts at work or at school, being proud of yourself for tackling tasks on a to-do list, or practicing gratitude for qualities about yourself that you like.\u201d<\/p>\n Also, be kind to yourself when you\u2019re in pain (versus saying you need to snap out of it, or you shouldn\u2019t feel this way). For instance, you might say<\/a>: \u201cThis is a moment of suffering,\u201d or \u201cThis hurts\u201d; and \u201cSuffering is a part of life, or \u201cI\u2019m not alone\u201d; and \u201cMay I be kind to myself,\u201d or \u201cMay I learn to accept myself as I am.\u201d<\/p>\n Carve out one-on-one time.<\/strong> According to Moshiri, this is one of the best ways we can show up for ourselves. How you spend this time will vary. That is, your alone time might be a 20-minute meditation, or it might be a 5-minute body scan. It might be waking up 10 minutes earlier so you can sip your coffee on the porch in silence. Or it might be spending half the day attending an art exhibit, and then taking yourself out to lunch.<\/p>\n Nourish your body. <\/strong>This looks different for everyone, too, Renee said. But at its core, nourishing our bodies includes getting enough sleep and participating in physical activities, she said. Some of Renee\u2019s clients find yoga, massages, and laughter to be invaluable for nourishing their bodies.<\/p>\n Showing up for ourselves may feel unfamiliar. And that\u2019s OK. Because the more you set boundaries, prioritize your needs, live by your values, approach yourself with kindness, carve out alone time, and nurture your body, the more comfortable it\u2019ll become\u2014and the more your beliefs will shift to Yes, I matter. Of course, I do. I always have. <\/em><\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We show up for our loved ones all the time in all kinds of ways. We bring sick friends soup and grieving friends casseroles. We create safe spaces for loved ones to share their most tender thoughts and feelings. We attend weddings and funerals. We listen. We try to be <\/p>\n Read More<\/a>
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\nSet boundaries. <\/strong>When setting boundaries, \u201cfirst and most importantly you need to know what you do<\/em> and don\u2019t<\/em> want,\u201d said Maegon Renee<\/a>, a therapist and coach for empath entrepreneurs and founder of The Aligned Lifestyle Program. \u201cIf you\u2019re unclear on what you value, then you\u2019ll have trouble communicating that to others.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> May 4, 2019<\/p>\n