That is, according to Ryan Howes<\/a>, Ph.D, a psychologist in Pasadena, Calif., therapy is intentionally mysterious. \u201cTherapists are legally bound to keep the contents of their sessions confidential, so everything that is said behind that closed door stays there.\u201d (There are a few exceptions<\/a>.)<\/p>\n \u201cWe therapists are professional secret keepers, so you may hear general concepts about therapy from us, but specific details about real identified clients is off limits for us,\u201d Howes said.<\/p>\n We also don\u2019t exactly trade stories about therapy. Most people who see a therapist keep it to themselves. They fear that others will think they\u2019re \u201cweak or crazy,\u201d Howes said, even though it\u2019s the complete opposite: \u201cIt\u2019s the most courageous and humble people who are willing to reach out for help or to make a good life great.\u201d<\/p>\n But because of the secrecy, shame, and inherent mystery of therapy, we rely on depictions in Hollywood to fill in the gaps\u2014most of which are either \u201csensationalized or wildly distorted,\u201d Howes said.<\/p>\n \u201cA quick glance at the therapists on TV and in the movies reveals a parade of sadistic, seductive, magical, or inept therapists who make for great characters but poor representations of the profession. Most therapists aren\u2019t like Dr. Phil, Lisa Kudrow, or Richard Dreyfus in \u2018What About Bob?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Another reason many of us know so little about therapy is \u201cbecause there is as much variety of clinical methods as there are patient concerns, making it often difficult to describe standard methods and treatment approaches,\u201d said Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D, a psychologist in Washington D.C., and author of the book\u00a0Hack Your Anxiety: How to Make Your Anxiety Work for You in Life, Love and Work<\/em><\/a>. It\u2019s tough to \u201cdescribe how therapy works when treatment is highly individualized,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n So, in other words, it\u2019s not surprising that therapy can surprise us\u2014and you just might be surprised by the information below.<\/p>\n Therapy is preventative. <\/strong>We often think that therapy is for crises. We think we need to go when our world has exploded: when we\u2019ve faced an excruciating loss, when we\u2019ve been blindsided by infidelity, when we\u2019ve suffered some terrible trauma. So it might surprise you to learn that therapy is actually \u201cone of the best methods of preventative health care you can do for your mind and your body before problems get too big,\u201d said Tara Fairbanks<\/a>, Ph.D, a therapist in Santa Monica who works with adults and couples.<\/p>\n Therapy involves doing intentional work on the most significant areas of our lives, such as: \u201cyour relationships, your emotional reactions to significant events and life transitions, your patterns of interacting with the world,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Therapy can be exciting and fascinating.<\/strong> Many people dread therapy, and are afraid of it. \u201cThere seems to be a common misperception that therapists judge and diagnose patients, leaving people feeling worse about themselves and less confident,\u201d Clark said. However, a therapist\u2019s job, she said, is to help you harness your strengths, and to feel more<\/em> confident about yourself and your life overall.<\/p>\n Clark\u2019s clients who initially thought therapy was scary regularly tell her that they wonder why they waited so long to come in. They enjoy the process and look forward to their sessions with her. They \u201cultimately marvel at realizing how powerful it can be to face things they have let hold them back for too long, and find better, more effective solutions,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Howes noted that clients who were initially anxious about therapy actually become excited about it. \u201cTherapy is like taking a class where you are the topic, and learning what made you the person you are today can be fascinating material. It starts with a therapist who is genuinely curious about who you are and what makes you tick, and for some this curiosity is a new and interesting approach.\u201d<\/p>\n And this approach helps you to look at yourself through a new\u2014inquisitive, kinder, less judgmental\u2014lens, as well. Clients have told Howes: \u201cI felt upset with my partner the other day, and then I asked myself why I was feeling that way, and here\u2019s what I came up with\u2026.\u201d \u201cI wonder why I\u2019m always chasing unavailable partners.\u201d \u201cWhat am I really looking for in a career?\u201d<\/p>\n Therapy can be a relief. <\/strong>\u201c[A]n initial surprise people tend to experience is a feeling of relief,\u201d said Katrina Taylor<\/a>, LMFT, a psychotherapist in Austin, Texas, who specializes in helping men and women address\u00a0childhood and\u00a0traumatic experiences\u00a0that may be holding them back from living a full and meaningful life.<\/p>\n The relief often stems from \u201cspeaking to a trained professional and having the experience of being known and understood,\u201d which \u201ccan be powerfully healing.\u201d It is powerful when our experiences, pain, and raw emotions are acknowledged and recognized by someone who isn\u2019t judging us at all. It\u2019s powerful when we realize we\u2019re not alone or weird or broken.<\/p>\n Many clients also tell Taylor they feel unburdened, \u201csharing\u2026what was previously overwhelming, secret, or even unable to be put into words.\u201d<\/p>\n Therapy is unsurprising. <\/strong>\u201cSome people come to therapy expecting that an incredible insight or breakthrough awaits them in each session,\u201d Howes said. Maybe you expect your therapist to be a kind of healer or wizard, he said. But while most therapists are highly skilled and will help you discover important information about yourself, they\u2019re also real people.<\/p>\n As Howes clarified, therapy is just \u201ctwo real people focusing on you and your issues and trying to connect the dots and problem solve together.\u201d For some, he said, this is disappointing. But others find comfort in knowing \u201cthey don\u2019t need to feel better immediately or take the therapists\u2019 opinions as gospel truths.\u201d They also find comfort and safety in therapy\u2019s predictability and consistency.<\/p>\n \u201cWe meet at the same time each week, my office decor doesn\u2019t change much, I have a consistent curiosity and positive feeling toward [my clients],\u201d Howes said. \u201cThey enjoy the dependability of our interaction. It\u2019s like life gives them enough surprises, and therapy is one place they don\u2019t have to brace themselves for a radical change each week.\u201d<\/p>\n Therapy is hard work.<\/strong> \u201cUnlike a medical doctor, a therapist typically doesn\u2019t \u2018do something\u2019 to you, you\u2019re an active participant in the process,\u201d Taylor said. Therefore, the more active, honest, and vulnerable clients are willing to be, the more they\u2019ll get out of the process.\u201d<\/p>\n What does being active look like?<\/p>\n According to Taylor, it means taking the lead in sessions. For instance, you might reflect on what you\u2019d like to discuss in therapy and what you\u2019d like to work on. Instead of waiting for the therapist to bring up a topic, you bring in your own topic.<\/p>\n Therapy requires clients to be introspective, and to honestly explore relationships patterns and personal foibles, and \u201cto be willing to take risks to do something different,\u201d Taylor said.<\/p>\n In fact, most of the work happens outside the therapy office. Because you\u2019re working on applying what you learn in therapy to various situations in your life.<\/p>\n Therapy can help even the most self-ware among us.<\/strong> Many of Fairbanks\u2019s clients and friends wonder what therapy can do when they already have a lot of insight into their challenges and relationships. Maybe they realize they get into relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable. Maybe they know they work too hard at trying to feel lovable.<\/p>\n But what has surprised her clients is that this knowledge, which previously hasn\u2019t led to tangible changes, does so in therapy. That\u2019s because therapy \u201cis like having a safe practice ground to translate insight into new patterns.\u201d<\/p>\n Therapy is a great place to rehearse, take action, and experiment. According to Fairbanks, this might look like first practicing assertiveness skills with your therapist, and then using them with your partner, colleagues, parents, and friends. This might look like working through old wounds that created shame, and then adopting self-compassion\u2014sharing your authentic self with your therapist, and with others, believing you\u2019re \u201cworthy of love and respect and seeking relationships with people who treat [you] as such.\u201d<\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Each of us has preconceived notions about everything\u2014beliefs that are shaped by our society, pop culture, and the people closest to us. And therapy is no exception. In fact, because there\u2019s so little information on therapy, we tend to hold a lot of beliefs about what we think goes on. <\/p>\n Read More<\/a><\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> April 26, 2019<\/p>\n