According to Kimberley Quinlan, a marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Calabasas, Calif., anxiety \u201ctends to show up around the things we value the most in our lives.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s common for anxiety to arise in our relationships with family and friends, and in places where we\u2019re forced to face our fears (because of our values), such as flying to visit a friend or giving a talk at work, said Quinlan, owner of\u00a0CBTschool.com<\/a>, an online education resource for anxiety and depression.<\/p>\n Many of Sheva Rajaee\u2019s clients \u201cget anxious about situations they fear will cause them social rejection, whether that be a fear they will mess something important up and be looked at differently, do something that makes them unlovable, or act in a way that gets them kicked out of the proverbial tribe.\u201d Rajaee is the founder of The Center for Anxiety and OCD<\/a> in Irvine, Calif.<\/p>\n For many of us, when anxiety arises, we act in unhelpful ways that actually amplify and feed our anxiety. We avoid the situation, which soothes our anxiety in the short term, but then only perpetuates it. We try to suppress our thoughts, but \u201cthe more we try not to think something scary, the more we actually think it,\u201d said Quinlan.<\/p>\n We ruminate about all the possible outcomes and scenarios that could happen, she said. This just \u201cincrease[s] our chances of creating catastrophic stories in our head and then end up feeding ourselves back into a loop of having more and more anxiety.\u201d<\/p>\n We might regularly ask others for reassurance, lash out, or make \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d statements, said Kristin Bianchi<\/a>, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist who specializes in treating OCD, anxiety disorders, PTSD, and depression at the Center for Anxiety & Behavioral Change in Rockville, M.d.<\/p>\n We also might try to get out of doing certain things \u2014 such as staying home \u201csick\u201d from school or work to avoid a potentially stressful interaction or task, putting off a doctor\u2019s appointment, or asking others to do things for us (e.g., lie for us when we bail on a birthday party), Bianchi said.<\/p>\n If these things aren\u2019t helpful and only boost our anxiety, what is<\/em> helpful?<\/p>\n According to Quinlan, \u201cThe first thing to remember about anxiety is that it is a human experience and that fear and anxiety are meant to show up in our lives.\u201d<\/p>\n Below, you\u2019ll find other helpful mindset shifts, practices, and tools for coping with anxiety right now. <\/em><\/p>\n Shift your perspective on anxiety. <\/strong>When we view our anxiety as \u201cbad,\u201d \u201cdangerous,\u201d or \u201cunwanted,\u201d we increase \u201cour own experience of its danger,\u201d Quinlan said. Instead, \u201cit is really helpful to try and frame fear as nothing more than \u2018discomfort\u2019 that is tolerable and temporary.\u201d You can even keep a small index card in your wallet or bag with that phrase written on it\u2014if you forget.<\/p>\n Practice acceptance and kindness.<\/strong> \u201cAcceptance involves allowing the present moment, just as it is without trying to change it or manipulate it,\u201d Quinlan said. She even encouraged readers to talk directly to your anxiety.<\/p>\n \u201cInstead of saying, \u2018Go away. I hate you, Anxiety,\u2019 you may want to experiment with replacing that comment with, \u2018Oh, hi there, Anxiety. I see that you are back. I know you want me to run away right now, but instead, let\u2019s go get groceries together. I really need milk and eggs.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n Similarly, you can address yourself with self-compassion, which also helps to instantly calm \u201cyour physiological response and mimics the nurturing we would get from a trusted parent or loved one,\u201d Rajaee said.<\/p>\n She shared these examples: \u201cWow, I can see you\u2019re feeling very anxious and fearful right now\u201d; and \u201cI know you really wanted things to work out, I\u2019m sorry it didn\u2019t go as planned.\u201d<\/p>\n Slow down your breathing. <\/strong>This helps to calm our body\u2019s stress response. Bianchi suggested this breathing exercise: Inhale through your nose to a count of 4 to 6 seconds, gently hold your breath for 1 to 2 seconds, and then exhale through your mouth to a count of 4 to 6 seconds.<\/p>\n \u201cWe encourage people to make certain to breathe out nice and slowly, perhaps imagining that you\u2019re slowly blowing fluff off a dandelion, or blowing a slow stream of bubbles.\u201d<\/p>\n You also can try apps such as Breathe2Relax, Bianchi added.<\/p>\n Similarly, Rajaee recommended taking deep belly breaths, along with \u201crelaxing your muscles and allowing your body to adopt a \u2018safe\u2019 stance instead of a threatened posture.\u201d This \u201cwill send a message to your mind that you are not in danger.\u201d<\/p>\n Try to move your body.<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s been well-documented that exercise releases endorphins, and that endorphins not only help us feel calmer, but also help to increase our concentration, mental clarity, flexibility of thought, and creativity,\u201d Bianchi said. So if you\u2019re able to, consider engaging in any kind of cardio, such as HIIT training or a brisk walk, she said. Plus, if you can notice the nature around you, this can help even more, she added.<\/p>\n Allow your anxiety\u2014maybe even welcome it.<\/strong> When you find yourself feeling anxious, Quinlan noted that an effective strategy is to say \u201cBring it on!\u201d First of all, this is empowering (instead of making us feel out of control, which regularly happens when anxiety arises). Secondly, \u201cour goal in anxiety management is to always make decisions based on our values and beliefs, not based on fear.\u201d<\/p>\n What does welcoming anxiety actually look like? According to Quinlan, it\u2019s about allowing the scary thoughts we\u2019re bombarded with to bombard us, no matter how intimidating or strange they are. It\u2019s about doing the same with our physical sensations, reminding ourselves that they won\u2019t hurt us, and will go away. Quinlan noted that allowing anxiety \u201cwill feel like a wave.\u201d<\/p>\n Become a curious observer. <\/strong>Bianchi suggested adopting a similarly inquisitive, open mindset to \u201cJane Goodall, Buddhist monks, and artists painting nature scenes.\u201d In other words, notice and name exactly what you\u2019re experiencing when you\u2019re anxious, without judging yourself, she said. For example, you might say: \u201cI notice that my heart is racing. I notice that I\u2019m thinking that I\u2019ll fail and be humiliated.\u201d<\/p>\n When we use language, it \u201cforces us to use the areas of our brains that are associated with rational, logical thinking processes. This can help us to get a little bit of distance from the distressing thoughts that we\u2019re having, and to react somewhat less intensely to unpleasant physical sensations associated with anxiety,\u201d Bianchi said.<\/p>\n Come up with \u201ccourage statements.\u201d<\/strong> Remind yourself that you can persevere through tough \u2014 yes, even excruciatingly anxiety-provoking \u2014 times. Bianchi teaches her clients to come up with these empowering statements, memorize them, and use them in stressful situations.<\/p>\n These are some of the popular ones, she said: \u201cCourage isn\u2019t how I feel; it\u2019s what I do when I\u2019m afraid\u201d; \u201cI can do hard things\u201d; \u201cI am stronger than my fear\u201d; \u201cJust because my anxiety is talking doesn\u2019t mean I have to listen.\u201d<\/p>\n Seek help. <\/strong>If your anxiety extends beyond high-stress situations and spills over into your job, relationships, and other areas of your life, Bianchi suggested getting help. \u201cLuckily, chronic anxiety that interferes with a person\u2019s functioning is highly treatable with cognitive behavior therapy (CBT).\u201d You can find a therapist who uses CBT or another scientifically supported treatment by looking at the directories of professional organizations, she said, such as: the Anxiety and Depression Association of America<\/a>, Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies<\/a>, International OCD Foundation<\/a>, and the American Psychological Association<\/a>.<\/p>\n Rajaee noted that the most important thing to know about anxiety is that it\u2019s temporary and it\u2019ll pass.<\/p>\n The key is to allow the waves of anxiety to rise and fall, she said. \u201cWhile we cannot control the waves, we can learn to be an effective sailor. When we stop fighting, resisting, and trying to change the very natural rise and fall of anxiety, we create a healthier relationship to it and can allow it to pass through us more easily.\u201d<\/p>\n This takes practice, and can seem really hard at first \u2014 and maybe really hard the second, third, and tenth time you do it. But it will get easier. We just have to give ourselves the chance (and chances) to try.<\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" You have a big presentation. You\u2019re taking an important exam for your license. You\u2019re defending your master\u2019s thesis. You need to talk to your best friend about something that\u2019s been bothering you. You need to talk to your boss. Or you\u2019re about to do something else that\u2019s making you nervous. <\/p>\n Read More<\/a><\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> June 26, 2019<\/p>\n