![\"punch\"](\"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/files\/2019\/08\/fist.jpg\")
Anger is like fire: it cannot survive without fuel.<\/p>\nAnger is like fire: it cannot survive without fuel.<\/p>\n
<\/span><\/p>\n Like fire, unchecked anger can grow out of control and cause enormous damage and pain. But also like fire, anger can be recognized, controlled and managed in our lives. The fuel that keeps anger burning can come from many sources \u2013 from problems at work or at home, from frustrations with the world, from our inability to overcome the challenges we face.<\/p>\n But interestingly, one of anger\u2019s biggest fuel sources is self-sabotage \u2013 the things we do, perhaps unwittingly, to keep ourselves angry.<\/p>\n We might ask, why would we want to be angry? As an emotion, anger can be extremely powerful and seductive, especially for individuals who like to be seen as strong, cool-headed or \u2018in control.\u2019 For those of us who have little joy or pleasure in our lives, the thrill of anger\u2019s heady excitement might be the strongest feeling we have, and even a bad feeling might seem preferable to no feeling. So we secretly stoke the fire of our anger. How? One way is to seek common ground with other angry people. Whether we look online or in our own neighborhood, there\u2019s plenty of anger in the world. We can easily find gangs, forums and hate groups that reward anger with inclusion: if you\u2019re willing to demonstrate your anger, you can be one of us.<\/p>\n Another form of self-sabotage is to turn our anger against ourselves physically. Perhaps this comes in the guise of something ordinary and culturally accepted, like smoking or drinking; perhaps it\u2019s more sinister, like the use of drugs or self-inflicted wounds. Maybe we stop attending to our hygiene or eat our way to obesity. Maybe we stop taking life-saving medications or drive recklessly. For each of these behaviors, we undoubtedly have justifications; we rarely recognize that they help to keep us angry. The more we indulge in such actions, the less attractive we are to others, and, simultaneously, the more we blame others for criticizing, mistreating and misunderstanding us \u2013 something that makes us angry!<\/p>\n A pattern of putting ourselves into difficult situations and then blaming others for our failures is another self-sabotage maneuver. Perhaps we begin a relationship based on what we imagine our partner could be \u2013 his or her \u2018potential\u2019; maybe we accept a job that\u2019s inappropriate except in our fantasy of what the job could be; maybe we start a project that\u2019s far beyond our skills or budget. In each case, we\u2019ve set ourselves up for failure; when, in fact, we fail, we angrily blame our partner, our boss or the world.<\/p>\n This cycle of self-inflicted anger can be stopped \u2013 if we seek help. Instead of hurting ourselves or others, we can learn to express our feelings and ideas. We can learn ways of relating to others without causing pain. We can turn our anger into a constructive force in our lives.<\/p>\n We don\u2019t always recognize our own anger. But when other people withdraw from us, or ask us why we\u2019re so angry or what we\u2019re so mad about, they\u2019re giving us a useful sign that we should be paying attention. When we see the damage and pain that comes from self-sabotage, perhaps it\u2019s time to talk with a counselor who specializes in anger issues.<\/p>\n Man punching himself image<\/a> available from Shutterstock.<\/small><\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Anger is like fire: it cannot survive without fuel. Like fire, unchecked anger can grow out of control and cause enormous damage and pain. But also like fire, anger can be recognized, controlled and managed in our lives. The fuel that keeps anger burning can come from many sources \u2013 <\/p>\n Read More<\/a><\/span><\/div>
Shared by Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Contributing Blogger<\/a> August 14, 2019<\/p>\n<\/span><\/div>","protected":false},"author":1109,"featured_media":8087,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5630],"tags":[4140,10105],"class_list":["post-8086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-clinicians-blog","tag-anger-management","tag-archive"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1109"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8086"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8086\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8087"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}