{"id":8222,"date":"2019-12-17T19:07:18","date_gmt":"2019-12-18T00:07:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/understanding-why-you-argue-with-those-you-love\/"},"modified":"2019-12-17T19:07:20","modified_gmt":"2019-12-18T00:07:20","slug":"understanding-why-you-argue-with-those-you-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/unitedresourceconnection.org\/goodyear-village-az-cdp\/understanding-why-you-argue-with-those-you-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Why You Argue with Those You Love"},"content":{"rendered":"
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We all have triggers, blind spots, or vulnerabilities that fuel conflict. The best thing we can do is be aware of them, take responsibility for them, and learn how to work with them effectively.<\/p>\n

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We can\u2019t avoid conflict, but we can learn how to handle it better. Rather than viewing conflicts from a zero-sum position, where one wins and one loses, we can benefit from a paradigm shift that allows us to see our relationships as two people standing shoulder to shoulder, looking together at the problem. Below are some tips to help improve our relationships:<\/p>\n

Most of us don\u2019t have adequate communication skills going into a committed relationship. It is valuable to practice \u201cX, Y, Z\u201d statements, rather than finger pointing: \u201cWhen you did X, in situation Y, I felt Z.\u201d For example, calmly telling our spouse that when they left their clothes on the bathroom floor in the morning because they were late for work, we felt resentful because they didn\u2019t notice that we were busy too. This could lead to a better outcome than if we were to reactively lash out and accuse them of being a messy and careless slob. \u201c\u2018You\u2019 statements invite defensiveness and put walls up. So too do words such as \u201calways\u201d or \u201cnever.\u201d<\/p>\n

Understanding our past and the family we grew up in, who we are now and what we value, can help us to understand what fuels conflicts. That\u2019s why it can help to periodically ask ourself questions and journal on topics such as:
\n\u2022What most attracted us to the other at the start of our relationship?
\n\u2022Which moments stand out as the best ones of the relationship?
\n\u2022How have we weathered severe stresses?
\n\u2022Have we ever thought about breaking up?
\n\u2022What has our sex life been like during the relationship.
\n\u2022What makes us laugh and cry? \u00a0\u00a0\u2022What are we passionate about?
\n\u2022How did our family or any relationship affect our growth?
\n\u2022What makes us mad?
\n\u2022What are our defining moments?
\n\u2022What are our spiritual beliefs and how do they affect our daily and life choices?
\n\u2022What are our priorities?
\n\u2022How would we define success?
\n\u2022What makes us feel better when we are sad?
\n\u2022What are we the most proud of?
\n\u2022What do we think strengths and weaknesses are?
\n\u2022How do we recharge our emotional batteries?<\/p>\n

Once we learn to identify what we prioritize, what make us happy and what values we hold, then we will be in a much stronger position to be able to navigate conflict. All the communication skills in the world won\u2019t help, if we haven\u2019t learned how to take accountability for our own issues and identify what makes a compatible partner.<\/p>\n

Photo<\/a> by aloshbennett<\/a> <\/a><\/small><\/p>\n

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Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all have triggers, blind spots, or vulnerabilities that fuel conflict. The best thing we can do is be aware of them, take responsibility for them, and learn how to work with them effectively. We can\u2019t avoid conflict, but we can learn how to handle it better. Rather than viewing <\/p>\n

Read More<\/a>
Shared by Aaron Karmin, LCPC, Contributing Blogger<\/a> December 17, 2019<\/p>\n

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