Of course, you\u2019re just trying to be positive, likely hoping that your positivity becomes contagious. But these statements invalidate your partner\u2019s illness and their feelings, she said. Because being positive (or not) isn\u2019t the problem.<\/p>\n
People can\u2019t think their way out of depression. Depression has nothing to do with having bad days or not having enough good things in one\u2019s life, Mullen said. There doesn\u2019t \u201cneed to be a perceived \u2018reason\u2019 to be depressed.\u201d Depression is a complex illness, caused by a combination of factors, including biological and genetic vulnerabilities, stress, trauma, and medical conditions.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t personalize your partner\u2019s negativity. <\/strong>Even though your partner might make all kinds of negative comments, they\u2019re not making an active choice to be negative, Frey<\/a> said. Their negativity is a symptom of their illness. As Mullen said, your partner \u201chas an illness, not a bad mood.\u201d<\/p>\n Frey uses this analogy when talking to clients whose partners have depression: You\u2019re standing in a dark hallway. At the end there\u2019s a bright, shiny something that you really want and love. But instead of walking toward it, you have to sit down because you\u2019re so exhausted and sick, you\u2019re unable to move.<\/p>\n \u201cNot walking down that hallway isn\u2019t personal; it\u2019s an indicator that depression has taken over your partner\u2019s brain. They feel that pain in a very real way, even though you can\u2019t physically see it.\u201d And this is where you can help: Help your partner think of and take small steps, such as making an appointment with their primary care physician, attending one or two therapy sessions to see what they think, reading about depression online, or listening to a podcast about it, Frey said.<\/p>\n Mullen suggested participating in the healthy behavior changes or adjustments your partner is doing to decrease their depression. For instance, you might take daily walks, ride your bikes, or go to the gym\u2014even if you do different things. Just the act of being there as a couple can help your partner feel like you\u2019re working as a team.<\/p>\n Practice compassionate self-care. <\/strong>Don\u2019t forget to focus on your own mental, emotional and physical health. As Frey said, \u201cIt\u2019s the whole \u2018put your oxygen mask on first\u2019 concept.\u201d<\/p>\n One powerful way to practice self-care is to seek your own support. Frey actually sees about as many partners as she does people with depression. She also noted that partners benefit greatly from connecting with others who are in similar situations, whether that\u2019s through in-person support groups or online.<\/p>\n Small activities go a long way, too. Frey shared these examples: savoring a morning cup of tea or coffee outside; browsing a bookstore; taking a long bath. \u201cIt\u2019s good to ask yourself what you would most love to do if you had a free hour, a free day, or even a free 15 minutes, and then focus on building\u00a0these ideas into your daily life.\u201d<\/p>\n Remember these aren\u2019t frivolous or selfish activities. Instead, it\u2019s critical for partners to have a \u201cstrong roster of coping skills\u2026. to be able to deal with the helplessness that they may feel through their partners\u2019 depression episodes,\u201d Mullen said.<\/p>\n Ask your partner for emotional support.<\/strong> It\u2019s OK to ask your partner to support you, too. When you\u2019re going through a challenging situation, Mullen said, don\u2019t internalize it or talk to others. Instead, talk to your partner. For instance, she said, you might say: \u201cI know you\u2019re having a tough time. I could really use some emotional support myself today.\u00a0Do you think we could set aside some time for me to let you know what I\u2019m dealing with at work later today?\u201d<\/p>\n Similarly, your partner should still be participating in family activities, such as co-parenting and date nights, Mullen said. If your partner can\u2019t \u201cparticipate in the relationship, this may be a stepping stone to them getting treatment.\u201d At the very least, she said, couples counseling would be key.<\/p>\n Show your love. <\/strong>\u201cPeople with depression can feel guilty or like a burden to those around them,\u201d Frey said. They may feel absolutely awful about themselves. Keep reminding your partner that they are loved and appreciated. According to Mullen, you might do this by: recognizing that their feelings are real; giving them some emotional space; asking what they need; and offering to listen. She shared these examples: \u201cHow can I support you today?\u201d \u201cI can make plans for lunch tomorrow if you\u2019d like some time to yourself,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m always here if you want to talk.\u201d<\/p>\n At the same time, remember that your partner\u2019s well-being is not your responsibility, Mullen said. \u201cJust like if your partner had diabetes, you are not responsible for their high blood sugar, you are not responsible for your partner\u2019s depression, nor can you change it by altering how you act.\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n Again, your partner has a real illness that requires treatment. <\/p>\n \u201cCaring for someone with depression can be challenging, but it can also deepen our relationships,\u201d Frey said. \u201cWe can use the experience to build the trust that we are in true partnerships where both people have each other\u2019s backs\u201d and are there when times get tough.<\/p>\n Visit Original Source<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When your spouse has depression, you might be very worried, and feel utterly helpless. After all, depression is a stubborn, difficult illness. Your partner might seem detached or deeply sad. They might seem hopeless and have a hard time getting out of bed. They might be irritable with a swiftly <\/p>\n Read More<\/a>
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\nUnderstand what they\u2019re going through.<\/strong> Frey stressed the importance of trying to understand your partner\u2019s experience of depression, along with their specific symptoms. Talk to them about what they\u2019re going through (without interrupting, or trying to sugarcoat or fix). For instance, you might say: \u201cI\u2019d like to understand what you\u2019re feeling. Pease tell me,\u201d or \u201cPlease help me understand how depression is affecting you.\u201d
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\nFocus on small steps together. <\/strong>When someone is having significant depression symptoms, taking certain actions\u2014sometimes any<\/em> action\u2014can feel overwhelming and difficult and unmanageable, Frey said. If your partner hasn\u2019t sought treatment for their depression, this might be why.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Shared by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Contributing Blogger<\/a> August 1, 2018<\/p>\n